Love means not ever having to say you're sorry

Friday, January 28, 2011

Lyrics Eight

“....Anaivarum uranggidum iravinum neram,

Enakkadhu thalaiyanai nanaithidum neram...”


“WTF!!” “How the hell they forgot to wake me up?”

I just took a quick shower, groomed, put on my Bond Suit and shoes and almost ran down the stairs.

“Relax Rahul. Am still waiting for you.”

Ria, as beautiful as ever. A bright pink saree, it almost looked like white, with all the glittery stones and stuff. I almost whistled looking at her.

“ You too look awesome today.” She complimented me.

“Hmmmm.. Maybe..” she just giggled trying to hide her smile with her hand.

“Shall we?” I offered her my hands.

“Hmmmm...” She accepted it and we walked through the aisle in the middle of the hall.

Both the sides were completely filled with people, many were standing and kids were running around. I couldn’t make out who is who. Couple of videographers was moving around and one of them was just walking backwards in front of us focusing us.

I turned my attention towards the stage. My mom, dad, Ahmed, Karthi, Ravi, Divi and their partners except Ravi, in-laws were all waiting for us. The whole stage was decorated by beautiful flowers.

“Flowers!! Oh shit!!”

“Honey, watch your tongue”

“Forgot the red rose.” I was completely frustrated.

“Hmmm.. Its already taken care of. Enakku unna pathi theriyatha enna.”

All I could do was smile, not for the rose, for getting her. Suddenly I felt she was pulling my hand. She just tripped on the video camera wire and was falling over.

“Ria!” “Ria!”

I couldn’t get hold of her and was shook out of it.

“Dey.”

I was staring at Ahmed.

“Man, I told you not to go to Palakkad.”

“Its not Palakkad. The dreams have not gone at all.”


5 years, 10 months and 8days ago

“Just relax man. I’ve asked my brother to start immediately, once we hear from him then we can come to a conclusion.” Ahmed has sent his brother. We hoped we could hear from him in another 1 to 2 hours.

We finally received a call from him around 5am. Ahmed didn’t allow me to speak with him.

“Hmmmm....” “oh....” ”ok.... “when...” “Sure??” “Oh...” “Now??” “Ok..” “We’ll be there” That’s all he spoke on the phone.

“We have to start immediately.”

“Everything is ok right??”

“Ya da.. They have got her and they need someone to take her home and she has mentioned your name.”

“My Name!! Oh.. What the hell was she doing in Palakkad?”

“God only knows”

_

We reached Coimbatore around 3pm. Reached Palakkad around 4pm. Ahmed’s brother was waiting for at the station.

“Riaz, what did the Commissioner mention?”

“Huh? Hmmmmm...ya...the Commissioner. Nothing. Just wanted to make sure she is a college student and some signatures.”

“What about their parents? Do they know about it because I donno why they are calling me instead of their parents?”

“They have informed their parents and they are on the way.”

“Oh ok”

We were there in about 20minutes.

MALAMPUZHA POLICE STATION

“Guys it says Malampuzha?”

“Ya man.”

“Why...”

“AC is waiting here for us.” Riaz interrupted before I could complete.

He was a typical Kerala Policeman with thick moustache and was quite fair.

“You are Rahul?”

“Ya”

“Ok.. Good.. You can come with us..”

“ jeep ne vilikkae.. avane namada kooda kootikondu pogam..” he was speaking something with the constable.

Suddenly Ahmed said something to Riaz and he spoke with the AC.

“Oh...then he can come with you. Just follow us.” Saying this he left with the constables. We took our car and followed the police vehicle.

“Dey, why are we going to GH?”

“Nothing man. He has some work on the way. You just wait in the car. I’ll be back.” Ahmed left me before I could ask anything.

He was almost gone for 15minutes. I lost my patience.

“Riaz, what’s going on?”

“Hmmmm...Nothing...” The tone itself said there is something going on.

“Where is Ria?”

“Ya ya ya...hmmmm... We are gonna meet her.” It was like they were hiding something from me.

“Ok... Am going in..” I started walking towards the entrance, I didn’t wait for his response.

“No no wait.. He’ll be back.”

I asked a constable where they were and proceeded in that direction. Once I turned to the veranda saw a old women sitting and crying. At the end of the veranda I could see Ahmed talking with the Comissioner and couple of other guy. Suddenly one of the guys saw me and got furious. The other guy and the Commissioner got hold of him. Ahmed came running towards me, once he saw me.

“I told you to wait in the car man!”

“Why should I? What’s going on? Who’s that guy? Where is Ria? She was not there at the station.”

Ahmed was just standing there calm and he took out something from his pocket.

“Rahul, this is for you.” He handed out an envelope.

To Rahul” and my phone number was written at the bottom.

Hi Rahul

Missed Me? The other night when you dropped me, I dint know that you will be never coming back to pick me up. The last happy moment of my life was the dinner and the cool bike ride with you. And really SORRY SORRRY SORRY. This time you should definitely accept my Sorry’s, these are for your head. How’s your health now? Your injuries have healed right. And can you tell SORRY to Divi on behalf of me, I know you will? I couldn’t return her calls. My dad was asking me “When are you gonna elope?” I was keep on lying “No Never...” for almost a week, guess he has found out that I fell for you. I don’t know when it happened was it “When you used to admire me during your vacation classes?” or when you asked “Are you my friend?” No no... I guess its when you asked “iiiiii....ice cream”, it was cute. You know I was cursing you “Why dint you hug me a little longer?”, that stupid Ahmed interrupted before you even actually hugged tight. And Rahul, you should see this place at night, really beautiful, standing on the edge WoW. Probably you must be wondering why dint I tell you anything about it. I know it wont end well. One way pain is always better.

Sorry Rahul, I am selfish, “I love you Rahul”.

See you dear mayb in 80years.

RIP

Ria Rahul

_

“Does he have BP?”

“No doctor. Nothing that I know.” “Doc, he had a small accident a month back and suffered from concussion. Does that affect anything?”

“Hmmmm.. Definitely, it’s a possibility. Just don’t leave him alone for a few days, until it gets into him.”

“Can we see him?”

“Sure”

“Can guys please tell me what happened?” I just yelled at Ahmed as he entered the room.

“You remember the guy, I and the Commissioner were talking to, that’s her fiancé. They had their wedding tomorrow here in Palakkad. And her fiancé, he was the guy who beat you up. He has brought her out for the evening and somehow she managed to..”

“Please, Don’t”

“Ok. Her parents don’t know anything about this, they are on the way for her wedding. They have sent her here 15days back.”

“But how could she do this man??” I was in tears and broken down. I couldn’t say anything else.

She was in hell for a month. I never even thought that she could be so strong, at heart. She was made to starve, locked out, tormented and was forced to. I couldn’t hear more. I just wanted to see her one last time but Ahmed just took me off from that place before her parents arrived.

We loved each other but never were lovers.

_

The operating room was really tensed and was filled with voices.

“Push push..” “Breath breath”

“Can you give another 10ml?”

“Doc, she is losing consciousness.”

“Look at here honey. Ya.. final push..” “We can see the head.”

She was sweating heavily. Nurses were holding her hand and tried to help her out. It was the final few seconds, I couldn’t see her struggle and was waiting outside the room but could hear every bit of it. Her screams were getting louder and louder.

It was the final scream “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...” and I jolted in my seat.

“Day dreaming honey?”

“Hmmmmm.. Ya kind of”

“Mrs.Raagini Rahul, you are next mam.” The nurse called out for her name. She was in her 8th month now.

It was no more Ria in my dreams. Its been 2years now since we got married and its been more than a year since I got Ria in my dreams sorry its always Raagini in my dreams for the past one year.



“Naan aendra sol ini vaendamm,

Nee aenbathae ini naanthaan,

Inimaelum varam kaetka thaevayillai,

Ithupol vaeraengum sorgamillai,

Uyirae vaa...”

Monday, January 24, 2011

Lyrics Seven


“...paadhachuvadu thedi thedi kaalgal oindhu ponadhey..

naalum azhudhu theerthadhaale kangal yezhai aanadhey....

.... pogum vazhi nooraanadhey,

kanneerinaal seraanadhey....

illaadha uravukku naan seiyum abishegam.....”



I ran into the church. It was deserted. No sign of anyone. Ran to the Altar and quickly looked around. It was completely abandoned. I took my mobile and tried calling Ahmed but I couldn’t reach him.

“Something is not right!?”

I came outside the church and looked around the perimeter from the porch which was at an elevated position. It was still dark and cold.

“Ahmed..” “Ria..” “Anybody there?” I screamed at the top of my voice.

I started to descend down the stairs but suddenly felt a sharp pain at the back of my head. My legs started to buckle, I held my head tight with both my hands and closed my eyes tight in pain.

“Rahul?” heard a feeble voice at the back of my head.

“Rahul? Rahul?” the voice became more prominent and opened my eyes.

“Rahul? Rahul? Are you ok man?” Ahmed was the one who was shouting my name. Karthi, Ravi and few of my classmates were standing beside me. My breathing was little heavy that has made him panic.

“Man, you scared the hell outta us dude. Nightmare? Your eyes were really closed tight and your eye balls went crazy.”
“Is there a problem?” a nurse stepped in.

“No no. Now everything is fine. Just a nightmare.” Ahmed made sure.

“Can you guys please leave now?” she almost pleaded and left.

“Take Care man” “Get Well Soon” “We are here, don’t worry” after all these wishes and greetings everyone left. Just Karthi and Ahmed were there.

“Guys, what happened? What time is it? What happened to me?” I asked Ahmed.

“You should tell us what happened.”

“I don’t know. All I could remember was.....” “ You better say. What happened?”

“You have a fractured right wrist, hairline cracks in two ribs and by luck just skin tear and a Grade II concussion so resulting in amnesia for about 30minutes to 24hours.” Karthi had almost loss of breath once he finished.

“WTF!!”

“Ya..I better call the doc”

_

Ahmed just told my dad about the incident, its better my mom doesn’t know as of now.

“Guys, any news about who was it or something?”

“Nothing so far man. Just take care of yourself. We’ll look into it.”

We rented a home for the rest of the semester and also it would be better for me to recover. Almost 4 weeks have gone by, both my ribs and the wrist have healed but still no news of Ria or about the unknowns.

“He mentioned something like’Where is she?’, did he mention Ria?” I had no clue of what happened or Ria.

Just another week of rest and the final check up and to college again. But it was hard to get back to that place. The last 6 to 8 months was really beautiful. Now, without her, the void was still hurting me.

_

“Where the hell are these guys? No one’s picking the call too. Hell guys!!” I got frustrated and moved to the parking lot and planned to leave.


“They want me to work for the project and no one shows up.”

There was a scooty near my bike, the same red one. But I wanted to make sure so I went closer to it and noticed the plates, now am damn sure, it was her vehicle. With the rush of happiness I raised and turned around when someone hit me hard on my head. My legs trembled and I was on my knees.

It was Ria, “Where am I Rahul?”

“Nooooo” I just screamed and sat up straight on the bed. I was sweating heavily.

“What the happened man? Are you ok?” Ahmed woke up from his sleep and asked in a really concerned tone.

“Ya ya... Just a bad dream.” My phone started to vibrate.

“Who’s calling you at this hour?”

It was 2am and the call was from an unknown number.

“Do you know which districts code is 491?”

“No idea. Just attend before they disconnect it”

“Hello. Rahul?” it was a guy with a deep Kerala accent.

“Ya. Who’s this?”

“Rahul, this is Dhileeban, Assistant Commissioner of Police, Palakkad.”


Now


“Palakkad ah? Are you sure you wanna go?” Ahmed was kinda shocked and surprised.

“Just to invite some of my distant relatives man. I gotta go. I will be back by noon.”

“Hmmm ok. Hope you are not going alone?”

“No, definitely not. Karthi is accompanying me.”

“Be safe. Just a couple of more days for your wedding. Don’t wanna make a big mess out here. Ok”

“Ok man. Enga appa maathiri aayita da.” And I disconnected the line.

_

It was hell from morning.

“Dae, Have you sent the provisions to the marriage hall?”

“What happened to the flowers?”

“Have you sent the mehendi artist to her house?”

“The minibus has been confirmed. It’ll be here at 12 sharp.”

Everyone were running like anything, Ahmed and my uncle almost took of everything at the reception hall. Karthi was roaming around finishing off the last minute purchases. And I was just sitting in the home coordinating everything from home because no one gave me any work.

Once the minibus arrived, everyone left for the hall for lunch.

“Machan, You try to get some sleep, you gotta be fresh for the reception” •

Friday, January 21, 2011

Lyrics Six

“...Viralodu vizhiyum vaadum

Viraiginra kaalam nogum

Irunthaalum varugiraen un madiyil naan thoonga

Enai vanthu urasum kaatre

Avalodu kanavil netre

Kaikorthu nerunginaen kan adithu nee yenga...”



Now

Took a shower, had lunch and left the house with Ahmed and Karthi. We spent the afternoon with tailor making sure my wedding dinner suit was perfect and ready for the day.

“Dey. Gimme the phone?” Ahmed grabbed the phone from me. “Hello Madam. Just 4 more days for the wedding, then he is all yours. Cant you wait for 10mins till he is done with the measurements?”

“Paavam da ava. He is the one who is keep on calling her.” Karthi did his part of pouring oil in the fire.

“Gimme the phone dude.” I was trying to pull it from him but he was out of reach and I couldn’t move as the tailor was taking measurements.

“Is everything done now? Can I have my phone back?”

“Polachu Po”

“Thank You”

I scrambled through the contacts, “R...R...R...R...R...Ya”

DIALLING.... CONNECTING....

“Honey... Sorry was a little busy down here and these guys...Oooof”

“Hmmmm... So where are you guys heading now?”

“Need to buy a shoe for the reception and sandals for the wedding. That’s all I guess.”

“Oh...hmmmmm.. I wanna see you. Cant wait till tomorrow.”

“Hmmmmm well. Can you come down to Boomarang? Nehru Stadium?”



6 yrs and 10days ago

“A Protein Blast for me” Divi answered spontaneously without even looking at the menu.

“For me, Black Forest Dream and a Banana Smoothie for him.” That was Karthi and the smoothie was for Ahmed.

“That’s all Sir?” the waiter was waiting for a confirmation.

“Dude!!” Karthi tried to get my attention.

“Dey” Divi shook me. I just woke up from deep sleep with my eyes open.

“Are you ok Rahul?” she knew I am not.

“Ya...ok..” It was her birthday and I didn’t want to disappoint her by saying a “No”. It had been 2 weeks since the college reopened, she hasn’t showed up. Divi was like “She’ll definitely come to college.”

The time has changed from “When’ll I propose to her” to “Will I see her at all?”

“Rahul, I think some serious issue is going on in her house da. Its better you come out of it.” Divi tried to convince me.

“After all these days, definitely she should have got some clue from you. If she has got that then definitely she would have contacted you.”

“Machan, its time for you to come out of it. You got placed, just get your degree and move on man.”

“Guys, it was her who helped me out for my placements. If it was not her I would not have worked during vacation and maybe chucked out of the project. Its her man, Ria.”

“Guyssss... Shall we move?” “Bill Please ” Ahmed put an end to the conversation.

“Sir, Can you give your Name and contact number? It’s for a lucky draw contest for Christmas and New year.”

“Christmas”, it just struck me.

_

“Its ridiculous man, in the middle of the night, climbing the hostel wall and roaming around the city. If I get caught am sure warden is going to call my dad.” Ahmed was really frustrated but he was behind my back, just for me.

“Relax man. We’ll just look around for her and...”

“And what?”

“If we find her..”

“Ok..what after we find her?”

“I’ll try to speak with her and...”

“There you go again. Its because of you she is gone now.” He almost yelled at me. Tears were the only the answer to his question.

“Oh shit. Sorry da. I didn’t mean to. Damn it” probably he saw me through the rear view mirror.

“Its ok man. You are right, it was me who dug my own grave.”

Next few kilometers passed in mere silence.

“Dey, do you know which church they would go?”

“Ya. I got it confirmed with Divi. Don’t worry.”

I thought it would be easy but once we saw the crowd we almost lost hope.

“I’ll sweep through from the entrance into the church. You try to look around the perimeter and call me if you see her.” saying this I entered through the front entrance, pushing through the crowd.

I moved myself into the left corner of the church so that I could get a clear view. I slowly moved along the side scanning each row. Once I reached the first row, I bent down and ran across the Altar trying not to block the view. But almost everyone’s head were following from left to right, even The Father lost his speech for a moment. I reached the other end and now scanned every row till I reached the rear wall. Suddenly my phone started to ring, there was a big sigh and a frustrated look on everyone’s face around me. It was Ahmed. I had to disconnect his call and came out.

Once I was out of the crowd and I called him back.

“Dey, enna da. Any signs of her or her parents?”

“Can you come little farther out, all I hear the chant. I am near the parking lot on the other side.”

I almost ran to the garden around the church, I didn’t want to walk all the way across to the parking lot thinking I might miss them. It was completely dark and I could hardly hear the voices from the church.

“Hello? Are you there?”

“Ya.. Any signs of her or her parents?”

“Man, I don’t know her parents dude. I mean I haven’t seen them ever. No, signs of her too.”

“Oh” that’s all I could say. I slowly walked down to the

“Ok. Just do a final check around the church then we..” That’s all I said and there was hard hit on my head. I dropped my phone and placed my hand on the back of my head. It was wet. I slowly turned when a man gave me a hard punch on my abdomen. I bent down in pain with my hands on my stomach when another blow on my head again made me lie flat on the flat on the ground, face down. It was dark and the heavy blows made my vision quiet distorted, all that I could make out was two or three guys around me. One of them had a small rod in his hand, probably made of steel. One of the guys came close to me and started yelling. After some nasty words,

“Enna hero nu nenepa?” “Am gonna kick the shit outta you?” “Leave her Alone”

I was lying in pain. Blood started to flow down my face. I tried to speak but couldn’t.

“Hoo..hoo....Who who?”

That’s all I could say and he gave a hard kick on my stomach again. The other guy gave another blow with the rod•

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Lyrics Five

“...idhu maatramaa thadumaatramaa?

en nenjilae pani moottamaa?

nee thozhiyaa? illai edhiriyaa?

endru dhinamum poraattamaa?”



“Hello” said Ria’s father in a commanding voice.

“Hi uncle” greeted Divi.

My stupid mind didn’t work and I was still on the line. Just then Ravi barged in and

“Machan, still Divi’s line is busy. What are you speaking so long?” shouted over me. Her dad totally heard everything and just disconnected.

I almost had a sleepless night. My mind was just thinking what would have happened to her.

_

She was not seen for the next couple of days. Even Divi had no idea about her.

“Got any news?”

“No da. I even asked her classmates, they too haven’t heard from.”

Finally she came back to college after 4days. But from then on her dad accompanied her. She used to be there sharply at 9 and her dad will be waiting for her from 3.30 in the evening. We would just meet during lunch. When we asked her about the other night, she said everything was ok. But definitely something was wrong.

Her father was a Bank Manager and a strict orthodox catholic guy. He wanted to get transferred to his hometown Salem but all he got was Chennai and so he is here. Her elder sister is a typical father’s daughter kind of girl. Finished B.Com as his father wanted, got selected in UPSC and is working in railways and exchanged rings with the guy chosen by her dad. Everything decided by her father. It was like he was still in the 80’s. Once I heard these things from Divi, I felt her dad’s approval is even more complicated than Ria accepting my love. The only thing Ria had privilege of was choosing IT but then she is doing B.Sc not B.Tech.

At times she would sink in tears and I and Divi couldn’t do anything. All I could make out was, she had some serious issue going on in her home.

_

6 yrs, 1month and 10days ago

Days passed, it was almost end of the semester. During the semester exams we hardly met.

“Dude, when are you gonna let her know?” asked Karthi.

“Sollanum..” That’s all I could say. I felt it is not the right time. Didn’t want to make her life more miserable, which was already in hell now.

It was the last day of our semester. We had around 3weeks of vacation we had to stay back for our project work and also placements.

We sort of came back to form. She used to spend most of her time in college working on the project. I too joined Divi and Karthi, pretending to do something.

Slowly few core mechanical companies came for recruitment during the first week of vacation. But my scores were low and I didn’t meet their criteria. I attended a couple of IT companies but didn’t clear the written. I was almost hopeless of getting placed.

“Hi Rahul” Ria was a bit happy today. She came towards me with a beautiful smile, after a very long time. It really felt good to see her smile.

“Am I dreaming or are you really smiling?”

“Aye. I am smiling.” She showed all teeth as if in a toothpaste ad.

“Ok ok. Wazzup da? We hardly met during the semesters.”

“Ya. I wanted to mention you about some off campus job fair in a week. Since you are here for the vacation hope you can give a shot.”

“Can my friends join too?”

“Of course, its an open fair. Anyone can attend.”

Karthi and Ria started to prepare me for the off campus. Ria would teach me C programming and Karthi would teach me aptitude.

After few days she started to scold, hit, pinch and pull my ears, if I forget anything or write a program wrong. Then I started to make mistakes just to make her do it. At times I used to stare at her while she is busy explaining something to me.

“Ria”

“Ya..” she didn’t even turn her head.

“iiii.....” I started to drag.

“You?” she turned and started to look into my eyes.

“iiiii.....ice cream saapidalama?”

“Only when I ask you to study, you want ice cream, snacks, water.... I’ll kill you if you get up from the seat.”

_

Finally, I too got placed in an IT company, 14k salary, Chennai. I came running from the interview hall. Ria and Ahmed were waiting for me. I was at the peak of excitement, I almost jumped on Ria and hugged her. She was like “Hey Congrats Dude....” After few seconds, I came back to my senses. Ahmed was like “Doooooooooooode!”

Called and informed Karthi, Divi and Ravi.

“Dude, when’s the treat? Am your mentor man.” said Karthi in excitement.

“Dey, Anjappar or Ponnusamy?” Divi is all ready with her options.

“Machan,Am out of words! Seri treat enga.” said Ravi.

Ria was standing beside me and listening to all the things I spoke.

“Ria, Tonight, Anjappar. You are coming. Please, no excuses.”

“Hmmmm. Ok. But I have to be home by 8.30. ok?”

“Done”

_

Another memorable night to remember. We were almost shouting when they placed the ice cream and were literally fighting to taste it. We were having great time that we didn’t even mind the time. Suddenly Ria started to scream.

“Nooooooo. Its 8.30.”

“Oh Shit. Just relax. I’ll drop you.” “Guys, finish off the dinner and we’ll meet at hostel. see ya” I literally threw my card over to Ahmed and we both left.

I was flying through the traffic, dodging through the traffic. From Anna Salai to Adyar, definitely 30minutes.

“Left..left...” “Straight” “Take Right after the grocery store” “Stop stop stop here”

“Where’s your home?”

“Do you see a white ambassador on the right?”

“Ya”

“That’s my house”

Someone pulled over beside me in the darkness.

“Ria”

“Daddy!!” She was shocked to see her dad. We both tried not to panic.

“Dad, this is Rahul. He got placed. So, we all went out for dinner.”

“If you want somebody to drop you then they better drop off in front our house.” He said in a angry tone.

She left with her in an old scooter. I didn’t even turn to look at her. I just wanted to leave from there.

_

“Hello..Divi.. Hello?”

“Ya ya....sollu da”

“any news about her?”

“No dude. I have asked few of her friends to let me know if they hear anything from her.”

“Hmmmm.”

“Don’t worry da. She’ll be fine”

Two weeks have passed by, still no news from her or anyone. We tried to reach her parents, but didn’t receive a good response from them. We don’t know whether she is even in the city.

“Where are you Ria?”•